Two Gifts From God

In January of 1979 my wife and I, knowing that we were unable to have children, decided to get serious about adoption.  We were living in Cherokee, Iowa at that time so we searched for adoption agencies in the area and eventually contacted Lutheran Social Services and Catholic Charities, both located in Sioux City.  After reading through the literature that we received from both agencies, we made the decision to apply for adoption through Catholic Charities.

Applying for adoption is no simple process.  Initially there was a considerable amount of paper work to complete.  After that was submitted there began a rather lengthy study process involving meetings with the agency's social work team both at the agency and in our home.  We both needed to have physical examinations done.  We had to hire an attorney to take care of the legal aspects of the adoption. All of these things were done throughout the summer of 1979. In September we each had to take three days off from work to attend adoptive group meetings with social workers and other prospective adoptive parents, and then on December 11, 1979 we received a letter from Catholic Charities telling us that we had been approved for adoption.  Although that letter came almost 35 years ago, I can still recall the excitement that we felt upon receiving it.  There was no stopping us now.  We were going to be parents!

We had been told throughout the process that once you were approved it could take up to two years, or possibly longer, before a baby would be placed with you.  After being approved you were placed on an active waiting list.  If I remember the process correctly, we were told that the birth mother (and father if he chose to be involved) was given some biographical data on the next few couples on the list and also some from farther down the list who closely matched the criteria that was most important to the birth parent(s).   I've always assumed that because my wife was a pediatric Registered Nurse and I was a School Counselor, we were able to "jump" up the list in a hurry because on Thursday evening February 21, 1980, just a little over two months after being accepted and placed on the waiting list, our phone rang.  I picked it up and was absolutely shocked to hear our case workers voice telling me that the next morning we could drive to the Catholic Charities office in Sioux City and meet our little girl and take her home!

To say that we were unprepared is an understatement.  We were expecting a wait of at least one year so, obviously, there were some important things to take care of quickly.  Things like clothes, blankets, bottles, diapers, etc.  After we were able to catch our breath and calm down a little, we went shopping.

On Friday morning, February 22, after a rather sleepless night we made the 50 mile drive to Sioux City to get our daughter.  We had already decided that she would be named Lindsay. 

When we arrived at the agency we were escorted into the large meeting room were our adoptive group meetings had been held back in September.  A wide array of emotions were swirling through me as I waited for what was about to happen next.  After a few minutes one of the social workers came into the room with the baby in her arms.  She was wrapped tightly in a blanket with one corner of the blanket covering her face.  I put my arm around my wife as the lady handed the bundle to her and slowly lifted the blanket from the baby's face.  There she was...and she was perfect!  The moment was indescribable!  I can truthfully say that it was love at first sight. She was asleep but she seemed so peaceful and content. At that moment we became a family and everything just seemed so right.  We took her home and our lives were changed forever.

About a year after Lindsay was placed with us we decided that it was time to start the process again. After all, we didn’t want Lindsay to grow up without a brother or sister.  When we adopted Lindsay we hadn’t declared a preference for a girl or boy.  We really had no preference and we were told that if we did indicate one sex or the other the whole process could take longer.  However, this time we decided that we would request that the next baby be a boy.  We thought it would be nice to have one of each.

Even though we had been through this before, there were no short cuts involved in the second adoption.  Everything, from the paper work to the group meetings were a part of the process this time around as well.  We met with the social work supervisor to start the process in May of 1981 and by Thanksgiving of that year we were approved for the second adoption.  This time we were fully aware that things could happen fast, but we weren’t expecting it because we had requested that this child be a boy and we were certain that would mean that the wait would be much longer.  So, obviously we were surprised to get a phone call on February 13 telling us that there was a little boy waiting for us at the Catholic Charities branch office in Carroll, Iowa.  It was just one week short of two years since we had gotten the call telling us to come and get Lindsay.

The next morning the three of us headed for Carroll and our first meeting with the newest member of our family, Eric! 

Meeting Eric for the first time was quite different from the quiet, peaceful first encounter that we had with Lindsay.  Eric was wide awake and screaming at the top of his lungs.  He had just awakened and he wanted to be changed and fed.  Lindsay, who was now two years old, took one look at him and must have decided that he was too noisy.  She went back out to the waiting area to see if anyone out there might have something to play with.

After Eric was changed and given a bottle we each got to hold him for the first time.  When he was handed to my wife he calmed down instantly and seemed to find contentment there in her arms. Again, as it was two years earlier, an instantaneous bond of love began to grow in each of us.  Again, it just seemed so right!  When Eric was handed to me I immediately noticed how long he was, especially in comparison to Lindsay, who had been so small and compact two years earlier.  I remember thinking that this little guy might be a tall one someday.  I had no idea how accurate that prediction would turn out to be.

It was just a week or so after we brought Eric home that we got a call from our caseworker.  He asked if we were going to be home later in the week because he needed to come and talk to us.  He said that it was something that he didn’t want to discuss over the phone and he felt it would be best to talk about face to face. He indicated that it had something to do with the baby but, he said we shouldn’t worry, and he would explain when he saw us. This was Monday and we set a time for him to visit with us on Thursday afternoon.

Of course we did worry.  For three days we wondered what the case worker was going to tell us.  Was there a problem with the adoption?  Did the birth mother want the baby back? Was there something wrong with the baby?  Was it a health issue?  It was easy for him to tell us not to worry, but it sure wasn’t easy for us not to.

By the time that Thursday afternoon arrived we were prepared for anything.  Anything, that is, except for what we heard.  Our caseworker explained that when the paperwork on Eric arrived in his Sioux City office from the Carroll branch office he noticed something that he had not been aware of before. The last name of the birth mother had a familiar ring.  He said that upon seeing that name on Eric’s record he decided to pull Lindsay’s file and review it, just to make sure that he wasn’t just imagining something.  When he looked at Lindsay’s file and compared the names of the birth parents in the records of each child he was stunned to learn that Lindsay’s birth father and Eric’s birth mother were.............brother and sister!   Brother and sister!  That meant that Lindsay and Eric were, in actuality, first cousins and no one was aware of this until the paper work was being filed away after the fact.  We couldn’t believe it! 

The case worker said that he wasn’t sure how we would feel about that, so he wanted to explain it to us in person.  He asked us if we were alright with this turn of events.  I can tell you now, as we told him then, we are absolutely and positively thrilled about it! 

To us it has always been clear that it was meant for Lindsay and Eric to be our children.  I have a fairly open view of God.  By that I mean that I don’t believe that God has a hard and fast plan for each of our lives, for if God had each of our lives planned out in total then what good would it do to pray?  However in this case it has always been clear to me that God planned for us to have Lindsay and Eric, together, in our family.  God blessed us with the two greatest gifts imaginable!

Lindsay and Eric have brought much joy and fulfillment to our lives over the years. Both were excellent students and athletes growing up and both have become successful in their careers.  After earning a Business degree Lindsay went to law school and is now an attorney and Eric has a degree in Mechanical Engineering.  Not only have they been successful in their careers but also in life. They have become good people.  We could not be prouder of who they are and what they have become and we could not be more thankful for these two wonderful gifts that God chose to give to us over thirty years ago.

I used to love to put both kids on my lap and read to them. 
It was the best time of my life!