In January of 1979 my wife and I, knowing that we
were unable to have children, decided to get serious about adoption. We were living in Cherokee, Iowa at that time
so we searched for adoption agencies in the area and eventually contacted
Lutheran Social Services and Catholic Charities, both located in Sioux
City. After reading through the
literature that we received from both agencies, we made the decision to apply
for adoption through Catholic Charities.
Applying for adoption is no simple process. Initially there was a considerable amount of
paper work to complete. After that was
submitted there began a rather lengthy study process involving meetings with
the agency's social work team both at the agency and in our home. We both needed to have physical examinations
done. We had to hire an attorney to take
care of the legal aspects of the adoption. All of these things were done
throughout the summer of 1979. In September we each had to take three days off
from work to attend adoptive group meetings with social workers and other
prospective adoptive parents, and then on December 11, 1979 we received a
letter from Catholic Charities telling us that we had been approved for
adoption. Although that letter came
almost 35 years ago, I can still recall the excitement that we felt upon
receiving it. There was no stopping us
now. We were going to be parents!
We had been told throughout the process that once
you were approved it could take up to two years, or possibly longer, before a
baby would be placed with you. After
being approved you were placed on an active waiting list. If I remember the process correctly, we were
told that the birth mother (and father if he chose to be involved) was given
some biographical data on the next few couples on the list and also some from
farther down the list who closely matched the criteria that was most important
to the birth parent(s). I've always
assumed that because my wife was a pediatric Registered Nurse and I was a
School Counselor, we were able to "jump" up the list in a hurry
because on Thursday evening February 21, 1980, just a little over two months
after being accepted and placed on the waiting list, our phone rang. I picked it up and was absolutely shocked to
hear our case workers voice telling me that the next morning we could drive to
the Catholic Charities office in Sioux City and meet our little girl and take
her home!
To say that we were unprepared is an
understatement. We were expecting a wait
of at least one year so, obviously, there were some important things to take
care of quickly. Things like clothes,
blankets, bottles, diapers, etc. After
we were able to catch our breath and calm down a little, we went shopping.
On Friday morning, February 22, after a rather
sleepless night we made the 50 mile drive to Sioux City to get our
daughter. We had already decided that
she would be named Lindsay.
When we arrived at the agency we were escorted
into the large meeting room were our adoptive group meetings had been held back
in September. A wide array of emotions
were swirling through me as I waited for what was about to happen next. After a few minutes one of the social workers
came into the room with the baby in her arms.
She was wrapped tightly in a blanket with one corner of the blanket
covering her face. I put my arm around
my wife as the lady handed the bundle to her and slowly lifted the blanket from
the baby's face. There she was...and she
was perfect! The moment was
indescribable! I can truthfully say that
it was love at first sight. She was asleep but she seemed so peaceful and content.
At that moment we became a family and everything just seemed so right. We took her home and our lives were changed
forever.
About a year after Lindsay was placed with us we
decided that it was time to start the process again. After all, we didn’t want
Lindsay to grow up without a brother or sister.
When we adopted Lindsay we hadn’t declared a preference for a girl or
boy. We really had no preference and we
were told that if we did indicate one sex or the other the whole process could
take longer. However, this time we
decided that we would request that the next baby be a boy. We thought it would be nice to have one of
each.
Even though we had been through this before,
there were no short cuts involved in the second adoption. Everything, from the paper work to the group
meetings were a part of the process this time around as well. We met with the social work supervisor to
start the process in May of 1981 and by Thanksgiving of that year we were
approved for the second adoption. This
time we were fully aware that things could happen fast, but we weren’t
expecting it because we had requested that this child be a boy and we were
certain that would mean that the wait would be much longer. So, obviously we were surprised to get a phone
call on February 13 telling us that there was a little boy waiting for us at
the Catholic Charities branch office in Carroll, Iowa. It was just one week short of two years since
we had gotten the call telling us to come and get Lindsay.
The next morning the three of us headed for
Carroll and our first meeting with the newest member of our family, Eric!
Meeting Eric for the first time was quite
different from the quiet, peaceful first encounter that we had with
Lindsay. Eric was wide awake and
screaming at the top of his lungs. He
had just awakened and he wanted to be changed and fed. Lindsay, who was now two years old, took one
look at him and must have decided that he was too noisy. She went back out to the waiting area to see
if anyone out there might have something to play with.
After Eric was changed and given a bottle we each
got to hold him for the first time. When
he was handed to my wife he calmed down instantly and seemed to find
contentment there in her arms. Again, as it was two years earlier, an
instantaneous bond of love began to grow in each of us. Again, it just seemed so right! When Eric was handed to me I immediately
noticed how long he was, especially in comparison to Lindsay, who had been so
small and compact two years earlier. I
remember thinking that this little guy might be a tall one someday. I had no idea how accurate that prediction
would turn out to be.
It was just a week or so after we brought Eric
home that we got a call from our caseworker.
He asked if we were going to be home later in the week because he needed
to come and talk to us. He said that it
was something that he didn’t want to discuss over the phone and he felt it
would be best to talk about face to face. He indicated that it had something to
do with the baby but, he said we shouldn’t worry, and he would explain when he
saw us. This was Monday and we set a time for him to visit with us on Thursday afternoon.
Of course we did worry. For three days we wondered what the case
worker was going to tell us. Was there a
problem with the adoption? Did the birth
mother want the baby back? Was there something wrong with the baby? Was it a health issue? It was easy for him to tell us not to worry,
but it sure wasn’t easy for us not to.
By the time that Thursday afternoon arrived we
were prepared for anything. Anything,
that is, except for what we heard. Our
caseworker explained that when the paperwork on Eric arrived in his Sioux City
office from the Carroll branch office he noticed something that he had not been
aware of before. The last name of the birth mother had a familiar ring. He said that upon seeing that name on Eric’s
record he decided to pull Lindsay’s file and review it, just to make sure that
he wasn’t just imagining something. When
he looked at Lindsay’s file and compared the names of the birth parents in the
records of each child he was stunned to learn that Lindsay’s birth father and
Eric’s birth mother were.............brother and sister! Brother and sister! That meant that Lindsay and Eric were, in
actuality, first cousins and no one was aware of this until the paper work was
being filed away after the fact. We
couldn’t believe it!
The case worker said that he wasn’t sure how we
would feel about that, so he wanted to explain it to us in person. He asked us if we were alright with this turn
of events. I can tell you now, as we
told him then, we are absolutely and positively thrilled about it!
To us it has always been clear that it was meant for
Lindsay and Eric to be our children. I
have a fairly open view of God. By that
I mean that I don’t believe that God has a hard and fast plan for each of our
lives, for if God had each of our lives planned out in total then what good
would it do to pray? However in this
case it has always been clear to me that God planned for us to have Lindsay and
Eric, together, in our family. God
blessed us with the two greatest gifts imaginable!
Lindsay and Eric have brought much joy and
fulfillment to our lives over the years. Both were excellent students and
athletes growing up and both have become successful in their careers. After earning a Business degree Lindsay went
to law school and is now an attorney and Eric has a degree in Mechanical
Engineering. Not only have they been
successful in their careers but also in life. They have become good
people. We could not be prouder of who
they are and what they have become and we could not be more thankful for these
two wonderful gifts that God chose to give to us over thirty years ago.
I used to love to put both kids on my lap and read to them. It was the best time of my life! |
Aww...thank you for sharing this beautiful story!! Your two kids have great parents...
ReplyDeleteIt was meant to be!
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