That quote from old lonesome George pretty much sums up how old curmudgeons like me feel most of the time. Don’t get me wrong, there are lots of days that I feel pretty normal. I mean, for the most part, I don’t even feel like I’m the old codger that I’ve turned out to be. On the outside my age is showing, but on the inside I still feel like I could go out and run five miles, dribble deftly down the basketball floor against a full court press, or drive a baseball into the right center field gap, round second and head into third standing up, all of which I could do in my younger days. That’s how I feel most of the time, but then I open the door and leave my house. Once I’m out in the world I soon realize that this isn’t quite the same world that I used to know, and it doesn’t take long before that old brown shoe feeling sets in.
There are so many things out there now that are peculiar and unsettling to an old grouser like me that I couldn’t possibly mention them all in this blog post. I’m pretty sure the list is so long that to compile it and type it here would sap the energy that I have left to get me through the day. So, in the interest of brevity and stamina preservation I’m going to limit this discussion to one topic only….tattoos.
In the 1890s, American socialite Ward McAllister said about tattoos: "It is certainly the most vulgar and barbarous habit the eccentric mind of fashion ever invented. It may do for an illiterate seaman, but hardly for an aristocrat." This man was ahead of his time! I couldn’t have said it better myself.
To me it’s another example of the “dumbing down” of America. It’s right there with other stupid ideas, like the one about it being cool and fashionable to show your dirty undies while wearing your pants hanging on the ground, or the revolting idea that TV sitcoms aren’t funny unless they’re about sex or bodily functions, or the silliness that texting is a better way to communicate than actually using a phone to “talk” to someone. I think I know what this guy would say about those flaky ideas.
I don’t really want to be accused of being a “Bible Thumper” so I won’t quote any scripture here, although there are references in the Bible about the evils of tattooing. I’m convinced that God didn’t intend for the human body to be an artist’s canvass. Heck, if he intended that then why in the world do we have artists canvasses anyway? Suffice it to say that I have never seen a tattoo that I liked. I know people who have gotten tattoos to commemorate something significant or meaningful to them and, I suppose, I can tolerate that so long as it’s just one little tattoo in a reasonably inconspicuous location. What I really hate are tattoos that cover an entire body part or, in some hideous cases, a whole body. Here’s a sad example.
Back in those early days of my youth, the days I mentioned before when I could still run, jump, shoot baskets and hit baseballs, our high school athletic teams always dressed properly. We took pride in our appearance on and off the playing field because we knew we were representing our school, our community and our families. However, many of todays athletes, especially on the professional level, have become something of a side show. The National Basketball Association is full people who have bad cases of OCTD (Obsessive Compulsive Tattoo Disorder) and it makes the NBA almost unwatchable for me. In the last few years this compulsion has shown up in the NFL and Major League Baseball too.
What will I do when there are no more sports that I can watch? I already can’t watch TV sitcoms for the aforementioned reasons. Perhaps I should just stay at home, page through my old high school and college yearbooks, and remember the good old days when good judgment and common sense prevailed and a pair of brown shoes was just the right fit.
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